07 / video

[onlysurvivor]

[Kelsier smiles brightly to the feed. He waves a scarred hand at the camera.]

For those who I haven't personally irritated, my name is Kelsier. I'm dead. Well, I'm fairly certain I am.

I'm curious, how many of us know for certain we are dead? At home. Not here, of course, or I am a very articulate and lively corpse.

[SPAM FOR MARSH]

[Kelsier is the annoying little brother sometimes. Scratch that, all the time.

And today it comes as a knock on Marsh's door.]


[Greenhouse spam]

[Late into the evening, Kelsier is found in the greenhouse near a bed of a certain type of flower. Now and then, he says something to them. He sits on the floor.

Later into the night, he falls asleep there.]

Comments

[myironeyes]

[In the flattest, most emotionless voice,]

I tortured Vin.

[To Marsh's mind, this was not actually the worst of his crimes, though it comes close. But it will serve as a demonstration.]

[onlysurvivor]

[He falters, only for a second.]

Damn you, Marsh. I am tired of everyone using her to get me to hate them. No one has hurt that girl more than I did, don't you dare try to take that.

This -- [He points accusingly at him.] -- isn't about her. It's about you. You're afraid.

[myironeyes]

I don't want you to hate me.

[This is dull, quiet. True. But he does want Kelsier to understand why he hates himself. He turns his head away, stares at the floor.]

It is about me. I can't. I can't just pretend I didn't become that. This.

[onlysurvivor]

No, that's not what you're doing. You're torturing yourself. It won't make any difference and the only thing you'll succeed at doing is destroying yourself.

[He tries to grab Marsh to make him face him.]

Is that what you want?

[myironeyes]

[He twitches, less a flinch and more simple shock, but doesn't fight when Kelsier pulls him. Aster, however, takes offense, manages to peck Kelsier's hand hard enough to draw blood before Marsh catches her, lightning fast and careful, gentle. Then he growls, low and rough with anguish he can't quite cover up, with curling eddies of bitterness and anger.]

I want to die. But unlike you, I won't.

[onlysurvivor]

Well, if you won't die... [his voice suddenly gentle. he completely ignored the pecking by the way.] ...it's time you remembered how to live.

[He has one argument left and that's to hug him. It'll take pewter, at least, to force him off. He doesn't care if he's getting poked by weird metal things.]

[myironeyes]

[He doesn't push Kelsier away. He goes totally still, like he's afraid of shattering, releases Aster when she shrieks and wriggles in protest, and she alights on a nearby perch to glare dubiously at both of them. After long moments he starts shivering, though it isn't cold. He wants to keep screaming, wants to yell that Vin wasn't the only person Kelsier hurt, but when he speaks his voice is soft, too.]

I'm not like you. I can't just be happy in spite of things.

If I. I have to live with it.

[He's trying. Failing, for the last few days, rather conspicuously. But he has been.]

[onlysurvivor]

[Nope, not letting go. The shivering just makes him hold on tighter. But he is faintly amused about one thing:]

We both know you're physically incapable of happiness, Marsh. [Only half joking, what is his life.]

Then live with it. What you're doing now isn't living. It's hiding.

[He loosens his grip a little.] Leave the hiding to me.

[myironeyes]

I've been living with it for two years, Kelsier.

[Flat and quiet, face turned a little away. He's tired. So what if he wants to hide, for a while? Why can't he? But he doesn't ask. It's a child's question.]

Fine.

[onlysurvivor]

I'll believe it when I see it.

[He lets go, triumphant.] You should sleep more.

[Isn't role reversal fun, Marsh?] I know pewter drag when I see it.

[myironeyes]

No. It's something else.

[He is super informative. He really should sleep, and he knows it, especially after the way he crashed in port. But it's so hard, letting himself go back to the nightmares voluntarily. He turns away, because that's easier, and because doing things is the only way to live Marsh knows. So he kindles a fire in his small stove, sets Cassel's white-and-red teapot - that he somehow managed to get back to the ship in one piece - to boil. He gestures to a chair. He wants to ask if Kelsier is okay, after the cave-in, knows he isn't, knows asking won't get him far.]

So who else are you pestering these days?

[onlysurvivor]

I've seen what happens to Sazed, as well. [But he leaves that alone for now. He does sit, rather, he flops a tiny bit more relaxed now.]

Zane will have nothing to do with me. Vin doesn't need me. That leaves you, Erik, Charles and Raven. Erik is doing well and Charles has him for support. Raven has her hands full with a very irritating inmate.

There are some others I have been following now and then.

[myironeyes]

[Kelsier has probably noticed the stacks of fabric and dishes of buttons piled on the bed in the corner; Marsh hasn't slept reguarly in months. Marsh pokes through one of his cupboards, finding a packet of hostess cakes from the dining hall for Kelsier and passes them over. Most of the fruit he's been hoarding have started to bruise, so he takes them down and starts cutting small pieces into a bowl to make sauce. It can't be too different from beets, he reasons.]

Zane is being an idiot. He still wants you to like him, he's just convinced you don't.

[onlysurvivor]

[Kelsier just going to make a note to come bother him to sleep more frequently. oh hey, hostess cakes!]

Of course he's an idiot.

[myironeyes]

He doesn't listen to me either, if it's any consolation.

[Although Kelsier dealing with someone crazier than him is fun role reversal. Marsh kind of wishes he were around for more of their conversations.]

[onlysurvivor]

I'd be worried if did listen to you. [a sigh.] I can't get through to him anymore. I'll leave it alone.

[When did he become surrogate dad?]

[myironeyes]

[Marsh sometimes misses the ability to roll his eyes more than a good third of the color spectrum.]

Hush, you. I only told him you don't...stop caring.

Anyway. I'll watch out for him.

[onlysurvivor]

[Don't worry Kelsier feels the eyeroll intent.] Oh, well. If that's all you told him. I don't want you telling him what I was like as a child. It's horrifying and no one needs to hear about it. Not that he'd believe you...

[He nods]

[myironeyes]

[For half a second, Marsh actually grins, because in point of fact, he did tell Zane a little about baby Kelsier.]

...he called you ridiculous, but I do think he believed me.

[onlysurvivor]

I am ridiculous.

[The last part makes him think though.]

[myironeyes]

[Dryly.]

He's only sometimes an idiot.

[Yes, you are.]